Reading Response 10/1/12 - Am I Blue?

Am I Blue? Bruce Coville


Vincent is unsure of his sexuality but deep down he knows he's gay, but won't admit it until Melvin shows him. I think he knows he is but he doesn't want to be labeled as anything, and because Butch Carraigan is already physically abusing him he doesn't want to create any more trouble for himself because he doesn't want more attention from others who might join Butch and hurt him also.
Vincent began acting gay when Melvin, his fairy godfather appears and talks about how they're the same, and Vincent says that he finds Melvin pretty. Vincent doesn't want anybody else paying any attention to him and doesn't want any help from Melvin, thinking it will cause more trouble with Butch and others who might attack him. Vincent doesn't want any attention called to him and Melvin and asks him why he walks like that, because he finds it odd, because he would call himself straight. Vincent is really just in denial and doesn't want anybody to try and bring him in, explaining why when Melvin calls him "honey" he rejects it and gets upset. Vincent later looks at another man and calls him "nice-looking", again proving he's really just in denial.

When Melvin explains how he got there, and that he's gay, Vincent asked if that meant he's gay. This annoyed me because I thought that Vincent could decide for himself and didn't need anybody there to tell him that one thing means another and decide his sexuality for him. After that Vincent even says "I had been trying to figure out the same thing myself for about a year now", which lead me to think that maybe Vincent did try to figure out for himself but he was so confused that he gave up and is now accepting help from others.

Later, every time Melvin refers to gays as "us" or "we", Vincent gets angry and tells him to speak for himself. When Melvin starts telling Vincent about gay fantasies he gets nervous because he doesn't really want to learn more about something that he's still in denial of, and still confused about. Vincent seems appalled when Melvin says he wishes all gay people in the country would turn blue so everyone would stop pretending they didn't know any gays. I don't get why Vincent is confused when he turns a little blue after he wishes for all gays to turn blue. He says that he was a little blue and this is when he changes as a character. I think this changes Vincent as a character because he finally has proof right there in front of his own eyes and can now fully accept his sexuality and can begin to cope with this and rebuild himself as a new person. This really is the real world because knowing there are gay people in the world, unless they all just woke up one day and decided their sexuality they must've been in denial and this is what Vincent is doing in the story.